Cistercian nuns do not ordinarily keep diaries of daily events, nor do they usually publish them on the Internet. However, some nuns keep personal journals where they record significant events in their spiritual journey from day to day.

The following are a number of journal selections by a sister which give us some insight into the path she has chosen to walk with Christ.

• December 10, 2011

  As Advent continues and the glorious day of Christmas is in sight I begin to look forward to what is called the “O Antiphons”. So ancient and ever new. From the 17th to the 23rd of December our Cistercian Liturgy gives special place to these ancient antiphons. They originated long before the Cistercian Liturgy and are very much part of the Liturgy of the whole Church during these last days of Advent. The tradition of singing the ‘O Antiphons’ was well established by the 8th Century and were put together by the monks taking various verses from the Prophet Isaiah. Singing the “O Antiphons”, as they are called, during the last days of Advent show how our hearts cannot contain themselves any longer and we call to Jesus to come with an urgency born of longing.
  You can feel the excitement in the sisters’ voices as we sing the words of longing. It is as though in our excitement we cannot find enough words to name Him and so we give Him the titles, O Sapientia (O Wisdom), O Adonai (O Lord), O Radix Jesse (O Root of Jesse), O Clavis David (O Key of David), O Oriens (O Rising Sun), O Rex Gentium (O King of the Nations), and O Emmanuel.  It is a custom in our Abbey to add one special one on the 24th December to honor the one who gave him birth, O Mary, not in song but in a reflection. Although not a part of the official “O Antiphons” we enjoy our little addition. When singing these antiphons, before the Magnificat at Vespers, we join our voices with the countless Cistercian monks and nuns who have sung these words for centuries. One feels very connected, not only to the past generations of our brothers and sisters, but also very much part of all our brothers and sisters who will be singing them, at Evening Prayer, as sun sets around the world from December 17th until December 23rd.
  
  Sister Gabriella
  
  

• December 4, 2011

  Advent is a time of waiting for Someone to COME. A time of expectation, of calling “Come.” Yes, it is the prelude to Christmas and the annual celebration of the birth of the one we love, Jesus. For us who walk the monastic path of life it resonates with our daily rising very early each morning to keep vigil, to wait, to search, to long for His coming. This Advent two of my sisters in community have experienced His coming in a very real way as someone very close to each one of them has been embraced with His final coming. One His coming to a mother and the other to a father. And another of my sisters holds vigil in her heart awaiting Him to come to her very much loved grandmother. Such times in monastic life can be very lonely, just as in everyone’s life when they lose a loved one, but it is also true that one can, and does, experience the very tangible, loving support of our monastic brothers and sisters at such times. No more do their loved ones have to call out from the depth of their heart, “Come, Lord Jesus” as we read in the book of Revelation, but rather they hear another “Come.” “Come, beloved of my Father, to the kingdom I have prepared for you.” Our “come” of longing is eventually mingled with His “come” of receiving us into eternal life. Then our yearly Advent cry to Him to “come” will no longer be heard from our lips, our hearts, for he will have come again to take us to Himself eternally..
  
  Sister Gabriella
  
  

• November 27, 2011

  Jesus, you see our hearts today, you know how the very word ‘Advent’ makes our hearts leap with a quiet joy and expectation as we prepare to celebrate your birthday once again. Throughout the history of our Cistercian Order Advent has held a very special place in our hearts. Our early rising for Vigils each morning is a waiting for your final coming when you will take us to that place you “have prepared for us.” Our Advent time intensifies that longing we have for your coming to us in a different way. As we sing the Advent hymns and antiphons, as we quietly reflect on the scriptures, which all speak of our longing for your coming, our hearts cannot but rejoice with a special, quiet excitement. The first Advent candle on the Advent wreath will be lit tonight at first Vespers of the first Sunday of Advent and that silent, quiet joy we experience in Advent will begin to sing in our hearts. Today a new liturgical year begins and we hear that call to open our hearts to a new beginning also. As Gregory of Nyssa reminds us when speaking about our life’s journey, “We go from beginning to beginning by way of beginnings without end”. This Advent is yet another one of those beginnings. The quiet joy and longing of Advent will unfold during the Advent days and then burst out into the glorious song of Christmas. From the first cry of Advent, “Come, come, come…” until we hear the glorious Christmas announcement at Vigils before mid-night Mass our hearts will be held in longing, then rest anew in the mystery of his coming, of his love.
  
  Sister Gabriella
  
  

• November 20, 2011

  On this great feast we celebrate today, the Feast of Christ the King, and as the end of the Church's year approaches, with a new liturgical year beginning on the first Sunday of Advent, I feel the need to revisit something I had written some time ago, but need to re-read it from time to time to remind me that you are truly “King” of my heart and rule with nothing but loving mercy and forgiveness. I need to ponder and to take to myself anew, as I look back over the past liturgical year, words which were spoken a long time ago by Father Thomas Keating during one of our annual retreats, words which continue to whisper to my heart and which fill my heart with so much hope. Father Thomas said during one of his conferences: “A sign of a good Cistercian is one who falls, gets up, falls again, gets up and falls again.” I know the word ‘king’ is not so popular these days of independence and self-sufficiency, but for me it means one who cares, protects, forgives, always there for his people, feeds his people when they are hungry, picks his people up when they “fall again”, one willing to die for those he loves. Jesus, you responded to the title ‘King’ just before you died for your people, with the knowledge that there was a kingdom, not of this world. That is the kingdom to which we ultimately belong. A new liturgical year is about to begin and I leave all that has been during this past liturgical year in your heart and begin again on the road which leads to your final and eternal Advent in our lives. And I know I walk into it with the one we call today, King, but for me it will always simply be, Jesus.
  
  Sister Gabriella
  
  

• November 13, 2011

  We Benedictine/Cistercians and all followers of the Rule of St Benedict have a special celebration today, the Feast of All Saints of the Benedictine family. As I reflect on this throng of countless thousands upon thousands who have lived under the Rule of St. Benedict for over thirteen centuries I can only reflect in wonder, gratitude and love for them, for if it were not for their fidelity to their monastic vocation this gift of the Benedictine/Cistercian family would not have been passed on to us today. It has endured because of their simple, hidden life lived in love for Jesus and all his brothers and sisters. Little, and seemingly insignificant, monks and nuns who through their faithful living, day in and day out, are now rejoicing in heaven together. Those who wandered from the path only to be embraced again with love and forgiveness and helped to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives and start out once again on their monastic journey; trials long forgotten; ecstatic love now replaced with eternal love; fears now resting secure in the heart of the God they loved and served while on earth; failures turned into graces. These are the men and women we celebrate today. Names that may never be mentioned again, as over the centuries most of their names have long been forgotten, but they are alive within our hearts today as we remember them and sing our gratitude as we celebrate their lives at Mass, Divine Office and quietly in our hearts throughout the day as we follow the same simple, yet profound life, which they followed throughout the centuries. Over the centuries a small cross has marked the place of their rest – many long gone with the passing of history but they themselves are never forgotten by their brothers and sisters who now run the race (as Benedict says) to that heavenly homeland. They once held so dear those precious words at the end of the Rule of St Benedict, Benedict’s own hope for his followers, “….and may he bring us all together to everlasting life.” We now hold that longing in our hearts as we pass on the gift of our vocation to new men and women coming to join in the throng of all those holy ones who have followed in the footsteps of St Benedict. I think a life time of gratitude would never be enough to thank God for our vocation to walk the journey of life under the Rule of St Benedict – which is simply a reflection of the heart of Jesus and his Gospel message.
  
  Sister Gabriella
  
  

• November 4, 2011

  As I sat in my choir stall yesterday I marveled at the beauty of nature and simultaneously the ingenuity of man. The bright, red leaves of autumn were dancing in the gentle wind and causing an almighty glow on one side of the Church – seeping through the large windows and making the wall look as if on fire. It was glorious. And as I sat watching this wonder of nature I could see, through the thinning foliage of the autumn leaves, a graceful wind turbine gently working high above the trees giving us another of God’s gifts – our electricity. The work of God and man both giving, both gently embracing nature, calling out to our hearts, “Look at us, we are special in God’s creation.” And so they are. God and man within one glorious view. The ever renewing cycle of spring, summer, autumn and winter and the ever creative mind of man utilizing his skills and protecting our environment through natural recourses. With the psalmist all I could do was quietly pray, “For his love endures forever.” .
  
  Sister Gabriella
  
  

• November 1, 2011

  “Visiting a botanical nursery Garden, one is amazed by the variety of plants and flowers, and often one is drawn to think of the imagination of the creator who has given the earth a wonderful garden. A similar feeling of wonder strikes us when we consider the spectacle of sainthood: the world appears to us as a ‘Garden’, where the Spirit of God has given life with admirable imagination to a multitude of men and women saints, of every age and social condition, of every language, people and culture, everyone is different from the other, each unique in his or her own personality and spiritual charism. All of them, however, were impressed with the ‘seal of Jesus’.” (Rev 7:3)  The above words are from a talk by Pope Benedict and maybe he “stole” this image of the ‘Garden’ from St. Therese, for as you know as she likens souls to the many flowers in a garden and tells us how even the little wild flowers are precious. I understood that every flower created by Him is beautiful, that the brilliance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not lessen the perfume of the violet or the sweet simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all the lowly flowers wished to be roses, nature would no longer be painted with lovely hues and spring would lose its loveliness. And so it is in the world of souls - Our lord's living garden." Jesus, that I believe, is a cause for great rejoicing today, All Saints Day, as most of us, I am sure, feel like a little insignificant wild flower or even a beautiful, or not so beautiful, weed in the garden of human souls. And, what is more important, it does not matter if we are but a weed, as long as we heed and long for the fulfillment of the final words from the quote above, “All of them, however, were impressed with the ‘seal of Jesus’. In one of St. Bernard’s sermons he says, “The saints have no need of honor from us: neither does our devotion add to the slightest thing to what is theirs…But I tell you, when I think of them, I feel myself inflamed by a tremendous yearning.” To yearn to be a saint could lead us up a wrong path in our spiritual journey, but I believe that if this tremendous yearning, of which St. Bernard speaks, is simply to be given totally for others and to others, with open hands to the God of love – then all things will fall into place the way HE wants – we must never fashion our own ‘sainthood’ but just go before him with open hands and a longing heart – to love as he wants us to love and then we will, one day, join that multitude of hidden saints in heaven. When you think about holiness ultimately all it really is can be summed up in a life lived close to God, with others, and for others – a life totally poured out, this, I believe, is true holiness, true sainthood. Jesus, today I pray that each and every “flower, beautiful weed and not so beautiful weed” in the garden of humanity will have this one ‘tremendous desire’ to let your light alone shine though in our lives until that day when we are one with you and your light and our own small light, which is pure gift, truly become one.
  
  Sister Gabriella
  
  

• October 21, 2011

  It seems to be so much easier to be compassionate when we read of sad or horrific events in the lives of others – many “out there” not within our sphere of contact. It is a little harder, at times, to be compassionate with those around us. What are the blocks to being compassionate? It seems to me that the biggest blocks to allowing ourselves to have a compassionate heart are being intolerant and judgmental. Not having the inner capacity to be objective rather than seeing the person, who really needs compassion rather than condemnation. As one writer says, “How deeply our love has entered into the Heart of Christ and how much of the fire of God’s love we have allowed touch ourselves can be measured by the amount of fiery love we show in the compassionate service of others.” Archbishop Desmond Tutu, of South Africa, once said, “If people want to know what God is like, they would have to look at you and me and see us as being compassionate, because God is compassionate, as being loving, because God is loving”. When we look back over our lives I am sure we could recount many instances where we have received compassion, where people have been so compassionate to us. I must pray to grow deeper and deeper into genuine compassion for all whom I meet on the journey of life. My life as a Cistercian nun gives me many opportunities for this and I pray that I will always have an open heart to respond with loving compassion. To give compassion to all my brothers and sisters in the world as generously as I have received compassion from others in my life.
  
  
  Sister Gabriella
  
  

• October 14, 2011

  Reflecting on my conversation with one of my sisters today I realized the power of affirmation in our lives. These times of personal sharing are so enriching. Heart speaks to heart in truth and trust and one can feel your presence, Jesus, even when we speak. I had let slip from my consciousness the gift affirmation can be to others. Personal experience of affirmation in my own life, and in the lives of others, has shown me without doubt what a tremendous gift one has if we can have a heart free enough to affirm others. I know, Jesus, my heart is not always free enough to affirm but I sure want it to be large enough to always be ready to affirm not diminish anyone whose wandering footsteps cross my path. Please give me that ‘enlarged heart’ of which St. Benedict speaks in his Rule! There is truly a dying to self involved. Jesus, maybe it feels like a little diminishment but like your cousin John we know we must ultimately decrease and others increase. It is the grain of wheat dying, of which you speak, in the gospel. Not easy, Jesus, but you have shown us the way and I guess that makes it a worthwhile challenge. Thank you for the many people who have affirmed me along the journey of my life. Now it is my turn to affirm and not be affirmed..
  
  
  Sister Gabriella
  
  

• October 6, 2011

  At Compline, which is the final prayer of the day as a community, as dusk turns into night, I contemplate the image of our beautiful earth turning gently as day turns into dusk, dusk into night, night into dawn, dawn into day, and so the cycle continues day after day, year after year, century after century and in this rotating cycle of day, year and century, as the various time zones unfold from one country to another, there will always be Cistercian hearts praising God from country to country. The recent General Chapter in Assisi renewed my awareness of this great truth in our lives. It is wonderful, and I feel so connected, not only to my own Cistercian brothers and sisters throughout the world but to all my brothers and sisters in every corner of the world. As we go to bed our brothers and sisters in another time zone will be awakening to pick up the prayer of the Church. It is a fascinating and wonderful experience to know you are part of a much bigger world than your own little Abbey.
  
  
  Sister Gabriella